Who’s In Control of Your Relationship?

Sometimes the stress of a painful relationship can make you feel like crushing your own head.

Have you ever been in a relationship that left you wondering after months and months why you hooked up with this guy in the first place, the reasons are many? People don’t believe that they attract the exact person that they get. And if you tell someone this they will deny it and even try and find fault in you and your claim. No one wants to admit they chose the wrong person to be in love with.

There are many reasons we seek a partner, and hopefully, we are in that percentage that seeks a partner for all the right reasons, such as someone to care and be cared for. Someone whom we can invest our hopes and dreams in. Someone who shares our interests. Someone who is on the same path that we are on, who is seeking to build a life from a shared vision. And most certainly, someone who reciprocates the love that we give.

But if you are a woman who has a low opinion of yourself, then there is a guy out there who knows this about you, because when you feel this way about yourself, it can be read on your face, your actions, and generally in the way your physical body displays itself. We all have certain characteristics that can be read by those who see us. Unfortunately we are looking through our own eyes and so therefore cannot see what is on the outside of us. Sure we can look at our hands and feet and even other parts of our body, but even looking in a mirror, we cannot see the inside that is on the outside of us, only others can see that because it is basically a perception. If you take 100 people and ask them to give you their opinion of you based on what they see, generally most will have a basic almost similar response, but on the average most will see what is on the inside based on what they see on the outside which will almost always be the same to other people.

Men who have suffered from some kind of rejection from an early age, let’s say the absence of a father, tend to cling more to their mother’s for greater support. And if the mother is very nurturing in an almost unhealthy way (overly supportive of the son even when son does badly in society) having to experience this son will tend to think and feel he is right in most cases in an superior way. These children grow up to be men and as men unconsciously do everything for self to help protect from further rejection. In relationships with women they tend to in the beginning to be the most charming person that you’ll meet. There will gifts and outings, sweet words and lots of romance, all the right things to get you hooked on him and once he is secure in the knowledge that you love and adore him; he changes.

Now you belong to him, and nothing can be more important to you than him. When the romance cools and real life sets in you begin wanting to enjoy your friends and family, maybe even his friends and family, but he finds excuses for not wanting to be with his, and finds fault in your wanting to be with yours. He sees your friends and family as a threat, that they may possibly influence against him, or introduce you to another side of life where you might happiness not away from him, but happiness in your own likes and choices. He wants you dependent upon him for this is where is strength lies. Sadly though this man doesn’t even know he is doing all this, he is merely acting on self-preservation. He can become angry at you and possibly physical, the key is notice these patterns and know that what you think is love is not love, it is the persona of a man who lives by controlling his relationships.

We see this behavior as childish in terms of adulthood, but the person who is under the mentality of an emotionally hurt person doesn’t know that he is behaving in a negative manner. If he cannot get his way, he will find a way through you or someone else. A relationships with a man like this can be dangerous depending on the level of hurt he has suffered, his awareness, his intelligence and his receptivity to suggestions of help. Normally a person like this is very much like an addict or alcoholic, the have to admit to themselves they have a problem before being able to seek help. If you are in a relationship like this offer help, if that fails get out and find a life for you that is healthy, but know that until you begin to better about you this kind of relationship will continue to surface in your life, it is a reflection of the thought you think about yourself that create the reality you live in.

One thought on “Who’s In Control of Your Relationship?

  1. Beatriz Linhares

    Hi Bruce
    Very good! Nicely and clearly put. It makes the controlling behaviour more easily understood but also allows for responsibility on the recipient’s part. We all want unconditional love and rejection is incredibly painful.
    On another note, are you coming on the walk this Sunday? Has Anita sent you the invitation? If not let me know. Would be great to see you again.

    Sent from my iPhone


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.